For to be free is not to merely cast off one's chains,
but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others.
- Nelson Mandela -

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Back online, at last

We're back online!

A mere 28 days after the day they promised us our broadband would be up and running, the little light finally came on. Incredible. I don't think I'd get away with letting them wait the same amount of time for their money. But we don't intend to let them get away with it just like that. Ken is already busy compiling a list of all the time and costs we've had to make to attach to the official complaint and already they've credited the moving costs.

I've missed the internet and I haven't. I suppose it wasn't all that bad to be without for a while. I did have a dial up connection, so that at least I could pick up my emails and read my favourite blogs. That made a big difference, of course :).

The time and energy consuming act of moving house ensured that I didn't get withdrawal symptoms and life in general left me little opportunity to feel anything resembling boredom.

The terrible flu hit our household big time. Ken was most affected by it, but everybody has been down for a couple of days. Except me. Somehow I managed to keep going. I felt rough and horrible at times and most of all I felt sorry for myself. In an ambiguous kind of way. On one hand it's wonderful to know that I'm strong and healthy enough to keep going when no-one else can, on the other hand I can't help wanting to be the one who's being looked after, cared for, mollycoddled... Just to be able to pull out the plugs, to give in to illness, not to be responsible...
Mind, I should have been more careful what I wished for, because I'll be getting some lying down and doing nothing time when I'll have to go into hospital for some repair work in the pelvic area (doesn't that sound ominous?), probably somewhere around March.

It was slightly nerve-racking when Myrna lost her voice and it still wasn't back the week before she was due to sing solo in the Lanercost Christmas Concert. My Mum was coming over from Holland, especially for that occasion, the programme was all set and printed, and it was quite a major thing, really. I suppose her voice was more or less back at the dress rehearsal, but then the pressure got to her and she went all flat and squeaky. And being the perfectionist she is, she beat herself up about it and became even more anxious. At that moment I started to lose my usual cool. I felt I had to do something, but I just didn't know what. Should I encourage her or just cancel the whole thing? Should I make her practice even more? Should I advice her not to sing at all until the big day? I just didn't know.
Obviously, my unrest unsettled Myrna even further and I knew I had to detach and leave supporting and advising Myrna to her singing teacher, Mrs Y. I've probably sang her praise before on this blog, because I think she is another one of those Great Teachers. She did her magic with Myrna so that her confidence was back in time for the concert, allowing her to shine like a star and allowing me to be a proud Mum, nothing less, nothing more.

Another major event was AL's 18th Birthday Party.
The one she'd intended to have in Holland. But this time she's allowed herself to change her mind and to more or less go with the flow. I'm sure she still misses Holland a lot and she's still not one hundred percent sure that she wants to stay in this country, but having seen her on this fabulous Birthday Party - I was only allowed in for a very short time - I'm also sure that she's finally making space for the idea that staying here isn't all bad. It was absolutely wonderful to see her surrounded by so many nice friends and I could see she genuinely enjoyed it.
In spite of illness and everything we managed to move out of the temporary house just in time so that she could have her party there and people could stay over in 'her' house.

Now we're more or less settled into our new home. And not a day has gone by without me waking up in the morning and feeling so utterly grateful for finding this house. That feeling continues throughout the day and I'm afraid I really bore people with telling them over and again how happy I am, how happy we are to live here. I am still amazed at how far away this house is from everything I'd ever imagined as our new home. It's a constant reminder of how incredibly important it is to have Faith and to trust the Process.

This year has been amazing. Intense. Crazy. Unimaginable. Magical. Horrible and terrible at times. Emotional. Revealing. Full, very full. It has been a year of immense growth and increasing awareness of the greatness of All that Is.
I had my fiftiest birthday this year.
We didn't celebrate it as such, because it was the day Ken's father was cremated.
But in spite of the fact that I'm still - and probably will remain for a while - extremely tired, life is very much a celebration and I am thoroughly enjoying it.

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