I can barely believe it!
At the very moment I was reading Ruth’s comment on my previous post I heard a loud mewing and before I knew it he came walking into the wide open door and when I held my hands out to him, he more or less jumped into my arms!
You were right, Ruth!
He’s skinny as a rake, but looks healthy and dry. All his claws and teeth are still intact, no injuries, no messed up fur. I guess he’s been locked in somewhere.
Aw, I’m so hoping Owen phones from camp soon, so we can tell him the good news.
We have a telephone number for him, but that’s only for emergencies. If we phone now we’re more likely to upset him than anything else. He promised he’d phone home a few times and I think the conversation will go as follows:
“Yes darling, and you were right.”
Right now Charlie is back in his usual place, behind me, on top of the cupboard. He’s just had a little talk with Asha, so she’ll probably know what we never will. He doesn’t look traumatised or shocked or anything else than hungry and tired. Actually, he looks quite content. And I love him more than ever!
And I am still grateful for the insights he helped me acquire. He is, after all, our black cat. He does represent the wild, natural and free part of us. The part we managed to reclaim by coming to this country and by living here, in this house.
And it was that part of me that was afraid to move away from this place, afraid that it couldn’t survive if it had to go back to the ‘civilized world’. By coming back Charlie has shown me that I can take that part of me - that we can take that part of us - with us. Wherever we go.
I was reminded of the saying:
If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back to you, it’s yours.
If it doesn’t, it never was.
I’ve always had my doubts about that last sentence, but in this case I can even see the wisdom in that. It is so True.
My Wild Witch is part of me, and always will be. I can let go of the fear of losing her. By letting go of that fear I have set her free. And now I can take her with me, wherever I go.
Again I’m experiencing how valuable it is to consciously feel everything I feel, to accept all those feelings, however irrational, conflicting or contradicting they may seem. And then to take a step back and not only experience the process but observe it, too. Writing helps me to do that. It helps me to not get lost in my emotions. It helps me make the circle round. It helps me being who I am.