For to be free is not to merely cast off one's chains,
but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others.
- Nelson Mandela -

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Headed for Hospital

I will be going into hospital on Tuesday.
The blood tests came back okay, no reason to postpone the operation.
So it's going ahead as planned.
I asked the consultant - a very nice and straightforward Indian lady - to help me find the correct English words to explain to people what kind of operation I was having, without having to go into too much gruesome details and she said: "Just say you're going to have some major pelvic floor repair done and they won't ask any further questions."
So, now you know. :)

I'll be in for at least two, maybe three or four days, depending on how the operation goes and obviously how quickly I recover.
Ken's bought me a portable DVD-player and we're now filling a folder with films I've been wanting to watch for ages, and my favourite music CD's. Considering that and the books that are piling up to go in my suitcase I may have to ask them to keep me in a bit longer.
Just kidding!!

I find that I'm preparing as if I'm going on holiday and leaving Ken and the kids at home. And having similar ambiguous feelings about it.
I'm trying not to make too many lists and instructions, but the control freak in me is having a hard time. Also, I'm not wanting to upset or worry anybody, and after all it's quite a routine operation and all that, but it IS an operation and I am going to have full anaesthesia. So control freak me is having a hard time not to say farewell to the children, just in case... Or is that the drama me?
When I mention even the slightest of this kind of worries to Ken his eyes just go blank in the same way they did when I was giving birth. He just shuts himself off and I know that anything I say will not be remembered or used.

Which is good, probably. Because it leaves me with no alternative than to trust and surrender. From the moment she walked into the consultation room I've had a very positive feeling about this consultant. I could immediately relate to her and within a few minutes we were joking and at the same time discussing in depth the options I had. I explained in a few words why I didn't want a hysterectomy. Unlike my GP she didn't start summing up all the pro's, but she nodded and said: "I see you've done a lot of thinking and researching. Are you satisfied you know enough? Have you any questions left?"
She definitely gave me the feeling that I'm in charge of what's happening with me, with my body.

I knew I'd go on a waiting list and it would be end of April before I could go in. And then I got this phone call a few weeks ago. The hospital, offering me a place in a private hospital in Lancaster, they'd pay for it, and I'd be guaranteed a place in the first half of March!
Not for me. Because it would mean a different consultant and long journeys.
So to their apparent amazement I declined.

Only two weeks later I got a call that I was expected to go in on March 18. Well, yes, okay, that's not the first half of March...
I'm thanking all the people that have taken up the offer to go private, because it has obviously shortened the waiting list!

Anyway, think of me please, while I'm in there. And think of my poor family who'll have to manage without me :)).

Edit: I just read this post again and realised that I've repeated some of the things I said in the previous post. Must be stress showing, after all. At least you can't say I didn't tell you. I'll shut up now, nothing coherent is going to come out anymore.


'EF' x said...

I got a good feeling about this too :)

The last time I was in hospital for myself it was like a holiday! Clean sheets and everything!

I am sending you lots of love and your full recovery is in my prayers xxx

Anonymous said...

Thinking of you all. Doesn't look like we're going to get our walk just yet, but I promise to have read all of Cesar's book by the time I see you. And I will have worked out an effective visualisation for me (not for dealing with the dog, you know he's cool, but in my mum role.)

Gill said...

((((Mieke!!!))) Doing blog catching up and finding out I missed all this. Will definitely be thinking of you a lot. Don't worry! I reckon you'll be fine.

Good news about your blood tests. I'm glad you're feeling in charge of what's happening. I'm sure that's the best possible way to go about it xx

ruth said...

(( Mieke)) I am thinking about you and sending lots of love.

shukr said...

Praying all is well Mieke. I also don't do the blog round regularly enough to keep up to date. It was EF alerted me to your op, bless her.

I hope it isn't too uncomfortable and that you're soon back in better shape than before you went in.


thenewstead6 said...

((hugs)) and prayers coming your way. I know what you mean about lists, and also somehow feeling like you need to say goodbye just in case... I'm such a neurotic I did that before my gastroscopy and colonoscopy - and that was with only a sedative! (too much reading the "what can go wrong" leaflet....). Glad you have a connection with the consultant and it is obviously all meant to be with her, and with this timing. A x

Mieke said...

Thank you all, my dear sisters, I am well and recovering and trying to put things and thoughts of the last week into a new blog post... It was wonderful to feel that some connections go even beyond the limits of the world wide web!